Guernsey birds and moths

• British list     381
• British list (excluding Channel Islands)     373
• Guernsey list     238 
• British Self-found list     264
• Guernsey Self-found list     191
• World list     759
• Western Palearctic list     525
• Yorkshire list     265
• Garden list     67
• Patch lists : Pulias 96, Pleinmont 123, Fort Hommet 64, Fort Le Crocq 70, Swillington Ings 177
• Best British year list     251  (1995)
• Best Guernsey year list     162  (2000)
• Garden Lep list : 540
• Guernsey Lep list : 662
• UK Lep list : 730
• Football league/cup appearances     41
• Football league/cup goals     2

In preparation for starting school in a week's time, my son Aidan has been developing his skills over the Summer holidays. Here are the top ten skills he has perfected in the last 7 weeks. Good job we love him! :

1. Electronics using 'Felipe' the screwdriver Aidan has been removing batteries from various essential appliances and storing them in secure locations round the house, e.g. the freezer, in case of emergency.

2. Cookery Aidan has developed a new type of cake - the Guernsey Bogcake. The recipe involves tipping a whole bag of flour down the toilet. [advice - do not eat the chocolate chip variety]. Also domino-in-the-toaster creates a magical aroma around the house.

3. Persistence For a record-breaking run of 50 mornings on the trot, Aidan has managed to get one of us out of bed before 5:30. And every time, without fail, he wakes us up and tells us he is tired. Is he being ironic or sarcastic? 

4. Mountaineering  As mentioned before, the scaling of the ten foot wall round the garden is now too easy for Aidan. He is thinking of moving onto bigger things and I wouldn't be surprised if he is planning an ascent of the house roof. Of course his hi-tech clothing for such feats is always just a pair of pants.

5. Concealment Perhaps in preparation for future spy work, Aidan has been working on his skills of concealment from the enemy (i.e. us). His most impressive so far being inside the tumble dryer, inside the laundry bin and the all time classic "The Human Beanbag" (see below - he zipped himself in and got stuck and couldn't get out). And of course, with true grit and determination, he never ever reveals his location no matter how long you are searching for him.

6. Carpentry  Again using his old friend 'Felipe' the screwdriver, Aidan dismantled the desk in his bedroom, which was rendered un-put-back-togetherable.

7. Interior Design  The door of his bedroom looked far too plain and boring and a random design of black felt-tip would obviously brighten up the place. Also giving the lounge windows a delightful 'frosted' look using yoghurt was a revelation!

8. Escapology Climbing out of the house window to wave to the cars travelling down the road outside.

9. Gymnastics Aidan's perfection of the forward somersault off the table onto the couch is pretty impressive!

10. Art Aidan hs been working on his creations on canvas and is now the skidmark champion of the world.

1. Inappropriate beer-drinking - If people cannot get through a couple of hours on a summer's afternoon without alcohol then there is something wrong. Strolling round the school field with a baby in one hand and a plastic pint pot of Foster's in the other is not cool buddy! Show a good example to the youngsters that alcohol is not necessary to have fun.
2. P.A. Announcers - the ability to relentlessly babble on with inane inanity for hours on end is a pre-requisite, therefore a local radio dj is usually employed as they are experts in the field and find every goddam little thing hilarious.
3. Tat - this year's additions to the Lawlor house collection of crap were a stuffed toy dog, a penguin key ring, a Dalmation key ring, a tambourine, a monster finger puppet, a Finding Nemo book (which we already have) and some novelty ice cream bubble mixture. Abigail was delighted with them all and no doubt will never play with any of them ever again.
4. Smug PTA members - the organisers of the fete were so damn proud of creating such a culturally-enhancing experience that they all had specially made T-shirts on so that we could thank them in person.
5. Face Painting - This is either a work of fine art created with so much detail that by the time its finished everyone has gone home and the kid being done has died of dehydration, or it is a general smearing of random colours by a 13 yr old who's not really sure what a tiger looks like. Whatever it started out as, after a bit of sweating it turns into face-melted zombie anyway.
6. Warm Coke - the fridge was full of beer no doubt.
7. Dance 'Routines' - You would think that if you are going to dance in public you'd at least have learnt the dance - unlike some of the teenagers this time who had clearly decided to watch Big Brother instead. (To be fair, most were good enough)
8. Tattoos - The rise of the tattoo is not something which I have welcomed and the number on show at this year's event was unpleasant. Especially when it is something big and vulgar on something big and vulgar. At least I entertain myself with the thought of how even naffer they'll look in a few years time. Grow up dipsticks.
9. Tight-fisted Companies - An easy way for local companies to get a cheap bit of advertising is to donate some out-of-date or free promotional stock and then get their names read out for giving to a good cause. After spending £5 on my draw tickets, I'm afraid I don't want my prize of a box of biscuits thank you very much - you know who you are.
10. Stained books - one of the best things about a fete is getting some nice new-looking books for 10p - especially if you wait until the end of the day. What is not nice is then opening them to find random splodges of mank that you hadn't spotted before.

My favourite football team names from around the world - all from the first division in their respective countries.

• Germinal Beerschot  -  Belgium
• F.C. Honka  -  Finland
• Energie Cottbus  -  Germany
• Blooming  -  Bolivia
• Dynamo Tblisi  -  Georgia
• O'Higgins  -  Chile
• Mamelodi Sundowns  -  South Africa
• Hajduk Split  -  Croatia
• Santiago Morning  -  Chile
• Terek Grosny  -  Ukraine

Here is a list of my best British birds measured by BUBO Listing's "Top Blockers" facility. A blocker is a rare bird that you have seen but not that many other people have. Note, I am not including Guernsey birds here.

1. Swinhoe's Petrel, Tynemouth, Jul 94
2. Little Bustard, Lizard, Oct 96
3. Ancient Murrelet, Lundy, Apr 91
4. Ruppell's Warbler, Holme, Sep 92 
5. Wilson's Snipe, Scilly, Oct 07
6. Double-crested Cormorant, Billingham, Feb 89
7. Rose-breasted Grosbeak, St. Agnes, Oct 07
8. American Bittern, Marton Mere, Feb 91
9. Great Knot, Teesside, Nov 96
10. Marmora's Warbler, Spurn, Jun 92